It is a question that I've been asking myself on a loop for what feels like an eternity already and one that I find myself asking with ever more frequency and intensity as I move closer to HERE, this precise moment in time...HOW DID I GET HERE?
The short answer is simple: I was meant to be here. The longer one though, is where the magic is. And as I have moved closer and closer to this special day I’ve come to realize that I have always been headed here. I’ve always been on this path to this place, this time. I was chosen for this. I was created for this.
My life, my very blessed life, has not been without its challenges. I am a child of divorce (never really thought of that as a big deal, my mother is amazing! All my parents are!); I struggled for some years reconciling the differences (and the lack that I felt existed) in my relationships with my fathers (mercifully there has been a remarkable amount of healing there); I experienced countless instances of sexual assault from the time I was in kindergarten until I was almost 20 years old (a trauma which still catches me off guard on some days); I am the oldest sibling of a beautiful brother with special needs (talk about challenging!), I spent 13 years in an insidiously abusive relationship which saw me completely losing my sense of control, my confidence, and myself (a rediscovery process that took upwards of two years to really make strides in & that I am still working on to this day, eight years after that relationship ended); I’ve endured the heartache & absolute terror of watching both of my fathers have (and recover from, THANK GOD!) massive heart attacks, one of them with kidney failure (and thank God a life saving transplant, thank you Titi!). There have been some pretty profound betrayals, losing touch with myself…AGAIN, and various challenges within many of my personal relationships. And then, most recently an injury that is expected to be a life long problem & has already effectively altered the way in which I navigate my life followed by the loss of a career I loved so much, it became my identity (spoiler: NOT what you want to allow to happen with something, or someone for that matter, that isn’t truly yours to begin with).
All of these things, in their varying intensities, have shaped me. They have caused me to lose, rediscover, and most importantly redefine myself in ways that may not have happened otherwise. I was challenged to grow into the being I was born as, and then gradually “lost” as I grew from childhood into adulthood. I’m not sure I know that had I somehow avoided some of these experiences I would have also avoided the loss and disconnection from myself that I’ve experienced on more than one occasion. What I am sure of however is when I began to become disconnected, lost, and seemingly powerless; enter abusive first love & about thirteen years later, an equally abusive beloved career. I won’t get into those details now, what I will get into though, is how 2019 catapulted me into the place I am now and how that translated into the birth of The Lighthouse.
To the point, 2019 is the year everything started to change. It began with my personal commitment to work more in an effort to take back control & get ahead (hello working harder, not smarter. Smh.), and shortly thereafter my plans fell all the way apart as if they never existed in the first place. On Super Bowl Sunday I reported to work ready to work an extended tour of duty (honoring my commitment to work more) and ended up suffering a really bad fall that has pained me & impacted my mobility ever since. Two months later I found myself dealing with what apparently was the very much imminent loss of the job I loved so much; a job I gave up way too much of myself to be a part of. This was rock bottom. AGAIN! To say that I was stressed & overwhelmed would be an understatement. I was simultaneously returning to work post-injury (not because I was ready but because my employer failed to provide adequate care/resources (read $$$) for me for the injury THEIR negligence caused), starting physical therapy (make it make sense!), and now dealing with yet another legal headache & the reality that my life was about to change drastically at some undisclosed point in time. When I tell you that I was quickly descending into madness, I’m not exaggerating. I can’t tell you how many times I dropped down to my knees or just collapsed onto the floor because I just couldn’t shoulder the burden of my reality. And that’s where the magic came in…
At some point in my desperation, I remembered to pray. My prayers consisted of crying out, expressing gratitude, asking for guidance & strength, discussing the hows and whys of my circumstance, and claiming what I wanted. Occasionally, I’d ask for help too…but somehow, even at the height of my desperation, I knew there was a greater reason, and lessons, attached to what was happening. That only became clearer as time went on. Fast forward another two months and while I was slowly beginning to get my legs back, I would find myself one day just randomly gravitating toward my computer, searching tarot, and the first deck (actually an oracle deck) that popped up in the search results called out to me like a beacon! This was no casual, random encounter at all! I believe, no I KNOW with every ounce of my being that I was being directed to something that would prove to be major. And that’s exactly what happened.
I developed a daily practice of pulling cards for myself from that beacon of a deck and over the course of about six weeks, my life started changing. My perspective changed & therefore my mindset changed. All of my circumstances remained the same (or worsened) but I was now operating from a newfound place of strength, faith, security, and connection. And as that connection with the Universe grew I started to move into a space of activation. My intuition grew, my Third Eye was blown right open & I began to experience an entirely different level of seeing! Suddenly I was experiencing visions in my waking hours, I was able to read from my ever-growing collection of tarot/oracle decks intuitively, not just for myself, but also for others too; and I developed a level of clarity I can’t even remember having ever known before. A whole new world opened up to me with my “new” connection to the realm of Spirit!
That journey toward awakened gifts (I wholeheartedly believe they’ve always been lying dormant within me) is something which continues even now. The more time passes, the more they develop. My vision becomes clearer and living a life guided by my intuition continues to become more and more a matter of natural living. We aren’t made to be so disconnected.
And what I NOW know, without any manner of doubt, is that my life took on a very deliberate path, as challenging as it may have been at times, for a very important reason & that 2019 (and 2020 for that matter) were very much designed (in my personal circumstance) to serve as my catalyst into a life that will be so remarkably and profoundly different than anything I ever could have imagined. I’m now existing in alignment again, and I’ve finally found what I’ve been searching for for nearly a decade! It was just a matter of remembering who I AM.
The work that I’ve been doing over the last year and a half has been very much directed toward revealing my purpose in this life. And what’s that purpose? It’s YOU! Everything I’ve been through has given me the wisdom & the ability to relate to you. My many internal battles, fighting to overcome my pain, my traumas, my suffering…it was all for the purpose of learning how to heal myself, so that I could then, in turn, help others to heal.
YOU ARE MY PURPOSE.
I’m here to serve as your psychic oracle, a channel to the messages you may have missed (or let’s be honest, are resisting), to shifted perspective, and hopefully to avenues of healing. For as long as you’ll have me, I’m here to help you SPARK YOUR LIGHT in the hope that one day you’ll find yourself becoming a beacon, not only for yourself but also for others on their journeys.
Welcome to The Lighthouse, I’m so happy to have you!
Love, light, & power,
Michelle | Spark.Light.Oracle